Purple lilac symbolizes "first emotions o...

Purple lilac symbolizes “first emotions of love” in the language of flowers. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

another feature of abstraction is talking about topics that are beyond explanation. Love is such a thing.
in a way Love is empty.  tell me your definition, and I show you it doesn’t exist.
doesn’t mean Love wouldn’t really exist, it’s just our words that can easily be debunked.

well, there are some exceptions:
when you define Love as the thing some couple has running, obviously it exists.
you’d need to try describing their relationship for me to show you how inaccurate the description is.
a relationship is dynamical, it changes with circumstance, new situations produce completely new behaviour.
Similarly I couldn’t do anything with non-serious definitions alike to “love is to take a cold shower every morning”.
surely love is about more aspects of life than just taking a shower? and where’s the other person?
most likely there does exist people who take a cold shower every morning.
I can’t refute this. but if you keep on listing many activities, who is ever doing all of them every time?
words are designed to single out a particular activity, but they can’t encompass complex behaviour patterns.

so the first thing to do for finding out if love exists is to give an abstract definition.
this must be done by everyone individually. if it could be put into words, it wouldn’t be love.
most obvious aspect of love is the lack of hate. does this mean misogynists cannot feel love to a woman?
well, if you go that route, pretty much every male is misogynistic,  as a result love doesn’t exist.
so better get rid of that aspect, experience tells us it’s possible to feel hate and love to the same person.
another idea people might have is that love is exclusive, only one person can be loved.
strictly seen this idea introduces a contradiction when you consider a mother’s love to her children as love.
will she cease to love her husband when she gets babies? that’s doubtful.
the only useful aspect of love here is that of “considering the other person’s point of view”.
of course that’s much too weak for defining love, it also describes any kind of friendship.
so, start from here and attach any feelings you associate with love to that.
when dealing with emotions, this is what must be done in general for an abstraction.
get a bunch of words that can be real, and add emotions around them. that’s a definition.
of course you know that only the emotions are the real emotion.
the words however are just there to protect you in future from wrong decisions.

as I wrote in my previous post, to me warm love is all the love-stuff minus the hormonal and drug-induced feelings.
of course that exists. my bunch of words is “no drugs”, to protect me from addiction.
actually to me it isn’t important if another person considers my point of view.
to me it is natural to consider all people’s points of view.  I don’t expect others to be alike.
the only important thing to me is how I feel when abstaining from sexuality and other fun activities.
if the feelings survive such an abstinence, then I know what I feel is love.
on the other hand I noticed others see “being together” as an important nourisher of love.
in my own experience however it’s just the diversity that’s important.
one could meet only on a monthly basis, as long as every meeting is unique.
this feeling of uniqueness of situations is important to me. stop it, and my love is diminishing slowly.
if monthly uniqueness is enough then a whole year could diminish love only 12 times.
many many years would need to pass that way, till all the unique moments of past are undone…

it really isn’t a problem when every person has a different definition of love.
it is preferable when two people at least agree on a bunch of words to which the emotions are attached.
otherwise the mind would rebel against the idea that such a person can be loved, although only subconsciously.
however, much more important than this agreement with the loved one is to check if love exists.
if you have unfulfillable expectations about love, expectations about yourself or your partner, you’ll only feel miserable!
lighten up your definitions, introduce different words for different kinds of love!
if you are educated with theories of monogamy, tell yourself that to each person you love you have a uniquely different feeling!
maybe even drop the word “love” alltogether, invent new words, or use such words like “affection” or “attachment”.
it makes no sense to learn a new word every day when all the words have the same meaning. create your own vocabulary!

Advertisements